Chapter 3. Use Paraphrase to Turn Diatribe into Dialogue
By far, the most powerful tool in your conflict resolution toolbox is paraphrase…Translate the other person’s meaning into your own words and repeat it back to them. Paraphrasing is NOT simply repeating the other person’s words back to them. That’s just parroting. Paraphrasing requires that you put their meaning into your own words.
Here is the best way to begin. This is particularly effective if you have already adopted posture, eye contact and facial expressions that indicate that you have, indeed, been listening. Hold up your hand with your palm to them and say, “OK, hold on. Let me see if I understand what you are saying.” Then re-express what you have heard from them in your own words. “So you are angry because you feel that I [fill in the blank here]?”
This is a very powerful tactic to turn a diatribe into dialogue. Here are 7 reasons why this works to interrupt the rant and turn it rational, and actually gain the upper hand in the process…