Modern media is glutted with articles about how supervisors and managers can earn the respectful affection of their workers as a means to boost efficiency and productivity.   Since I’m addressing a very tiny niche here, I want to talk to those of you who are convinced that people work better when they hate the boss. I know you’re out there! I’ve seen your work! (The rest of you can listen in and learn what you can.) These are things I’ve observed from the best (or, the worst, as the case may be). Every example I include is real, and they are all effective strategies to make your people hate you!

Inconsideration in your strategy to help your workers hate you…

Of all the strategies to help your people hate you as a manager or boss, this is perhaps the most versatile….It works at home, too!  The sky’s the limit on your creativity with this one, but here are some tested tactics of inconsideration that I have observed will help make you a hated boss.

“Gifts” in Their Work Area
Bring your greasy, spicy food to the office after hours and eat it at their desk, don’t wipe up when you finish, then leave the smelly wrappers in their trash can so they can enjoy the aroma the next morning. What better way to demonstrate that their inconvenience or disgust does not matter to you?

“I’m Sorry…We’re You Working on Something?”
Interrupt them with no apology as they concentrate on a mentally intensive task, which they will likely have to start over on after dealing with your interruption. This is even more effective if you startle them suddenly from behind as they are working. And for the maximum effect, be sure that what you want from them could have easily been provided by another, less engaged worker just a few feet away from you.

“Check In” Just as They’re Clocking Out
If you have to be out of the office and need to check in with secretarial staff for messages, NEVER call before 11:55 AM or 4:55 PM. If there are no messages of consequence, then chat them up with irrelevant information about your activities, or give them a long, unnecessary list of things you want them to do tomorrow. Whatever it takes to make them late leaving the workplace.

“Oooh, I’m Sooo Sick”
Come to the office when you are sick, then whine around all day about it. Say, “Feel my forehead…do you think I’m feverish?” “I borrowed some of your Tylenol.” “I hope you don’t get this!” (As you blow your nose clear through a cheap tissue while standing in front of their desk, then toss it into THEIR trash can as you wipe your hand on your pants.) At 2:00 say, “Oh, by-the-way, I used your phone while you were out at noon. You might want to wipe that off. I wouldn’t want you to miss work….we have deadlines, you know.”

Take the Liberty
Never seek input from your people on decisions that will affect everyone, even if in minor ways. Don’t order any de-caf coffee from office supply vendors, because, “What’s the point, right?” On donut Friday, just purchase the kind of donuts you like. Schedule special “fun” events without polling the workers to find the best day (which by now is mostly moot point, as just being at the same event with you strips the “fun” out of everything for them.)

“Hold that Thought…”
Take phone calls from your (golfing, fishing, shopping, whatever) friends while in a meeting with an employee who is having a serious problem at the workplace. Smile and laugh loudly while planning your recreational activity with your friend, then instantly switch to your stern, “this-must-be-hard-for-you” face when you hang up.

Taking Care of Business?
Don’t turn on the fan, and never flush the toilet after you are finished. Yeah; this stuff happens all the time. You won’t be the pioneer.

“Guess What I Had for Lunch”
Have a double cheeseburger with lots of onions at lunch, then lean in close over an employee’s shoulder to point out something on their screen with your middle finger. (Actually, I added the middle finger part of this, just because it seemed like appropriate irony.)

Aromatherapy
Compensate for your busy, (but bathless) schedule with copious splashes of your favorite cheap cologne.  Keep the bottle in your desk drawer and keep splashing it on ’til you hear coughing.

As you can see, it’s not hard to be inconsiderate, but it IS hard to be THIS inconsiderate. You will have to work at it to be a Master. In the meantime, during your learning process, I can promise daily escalations in the disgust and enmity that your workers will harbor for you!

This is the 4th post in my tongue-in-cheek series entitled “Surefire Strategies to Ensure Your Employees will Hate You.”

You can read the previous posts right here:

“The 7 Secrets to Workplace Misery”

“Helping People Hate You Through Unprofessionalism”

“The Power of Stupidity to Generate Contempt”

Watch for the next article in this series.  It’s entitled: “Communication and Social Skills are for Wimps.”

Click here for a complete catalog of my blog posts with a brief description of their content.