Unleash Your Inner Narcissist
If you have been following this series of tongue-in-cheek posts about surefire strategies to make the people you work with hate you, here is the 7th in the series…
Articles about how supervisors and managers can earn the respectful affection of their workers are a dime a dozen. Since I’m addressing a very tiny niche here, I want to talk to those of you who are convinced that people work better when they hate you. I know you’re out there! I’ve seen your work! (The rest of you can listen in and learn what you can.) These are things I’ve observed from the best (or, the worst, as the case may be). Every example I include is real, and they are all effective strategies to make your people hate you!
Narcissism in your strategy to help workers hate you
- The world revolves around you, to serve and admire you.
- Other people don’t matter.
- You’re never wrong and you never fail.
You don’t actually have to believe these things for your people to hate you; you just have to act like you do. Here’s how:
Make Every Decision Without Input
(You may remember this one from an earlier article about inconsiderate behavior, but there is no way to exclude it from either article.) Never seek input from your people on decisions that will affect them, even if in minor ways. Don’t order any de-caf coffee from office supply vendors because you don’t drink de-caf. On “donut Friday,” just purchase the kind of donuts you like. Schedule special “fun” events according to your convenience without polling the workers to find the best day for their participation. Remember; The world revolves around you.
Be the Spinmeister
Always spin your screw-ups and failures to make them appear that you were in control the whole time. When a client severs a business relationship in anger, pretend to be triumphant, because, “He was a real pain in the neck to deal with.” When it comes to your attention that a vendor drop-shipped an inferior product to a client, wink and say, “I just saved him 21%, and he’ll never know the difference.” When you are caught in a deception, engage your accuser in a debate on semantics: “That’s not what the word means, at least not to me.” Remember; You’re never wrong and you never fail.
These Things Happen…Did You Finish that Report?
When an employee tells you that another employee has just learned that her husband is divorcing her, that she has breast cancer and that she is being evicted from her home all in one day, respond by saying, “Wow. It must suck to be her.” Then quickly check her personnel record to see if she has any comp days left after the kidney stones, the plane crash and her father’s funeral 6 months ago.
Remember; other people don’t matter. Appropriate and heartfelt expressions of empathy are not part of a Narcissist’s skill set. Much less any effort to actually provide emotional or physical support, or extra consideration to an employee in crisis.
Shoot for the Stars
Or shall I say shoot AT the stars? Set up the “rising star” in the office for failure. That really smart new guy under you who came from a similar position at a competing organization must be eliminated. He’s too good. He’ll rise in the ranks and challenge you for your position if you don’t act now. Tap him for some added responsibilities, but withhold vital bits of information that he needs to be successful at the task. When he crashes in flames, cluck your tongue and suggest, “I guess now we know why he doesn’t work for our competition anymore.” Remember; the world revolves around you. Competition must be nipped in the bud.
Those Teaching Moments Every Day
Treat every unforeseen negative event as an opportunity for a lecture, which you begin with, “This is why I always…. [fill in the blank]” When a worker is delayed by car trouble, say smugly, “This is why I told him not to buy a [Chevy, Nissan, you choose].” When someone spills coffee in their keyboard and damages it, you lecture, “This is why I never drink coffee at my desk.” When tools are stolen at the job site, say, “This is why I told him to put the trailer on the north side of the site!” It doesn’t matter how trivial, always be right in retrospect. Remember; You’re never wrong and you never fail.
Congratulations to Me!
Take all the credit for team accomplishments. No matter how much role you actually played in the achievement, find a way to take credit for it. If your ideas were the ones that were instrumental in the success of the project, make sure everyone knows that. If you had little or no role in the actual work, then take credit for your leadership in putting the right people together to make it happen. There is ALWAYS some reason it couldn’t have happened without you! Remember; Other people don’t matter.
There are many ways to express your Narcissism and incur the hatred of your employees. Let your choice of behaviors be guided by these principles:
- Narcissists are arrogant and self-centered. They expect to be treated preferentially.
- They can be witty and charismatic one moment, then violate boundaries and privacy the next.
- They will be cruel to the people under them, but winsome and charming to any authority over them.
For those of you who are sure that things are better when everyone hates the boss, unleashing your inner Narcissist is a great way to seal the deal!
I’m looking forward to sharing the 7th article in this series with you, “Unleash Your Inner Narcissist.” In the meantime, in case you missed them, here are the previous 6 posts in this series:
There is one last installment in this series coming next week: “PSYCHO…Therapy.”
Click here for a complete catalog of my blog posts with a brief description of their content.