Chapter 7: A Dysfunctional Church
My father died as I turned 17 years old. Late adolescence is a challenging time to cope with already, but the loss of a parent intensifies the storm. However, the church fellowship that I had recently identified with became a powerful, positive presence during the storm. They came together to come alongside of me every step of the way. They embraced my entire family, who were members of another church, and supported them with whatever they needed. They acknowledged our grief, they helped plan the service, they provided food for more than a week, and only stopped bringing it to our house when we asked them to. No strings attached. No sermons. They loved us. That’s all.
Why, then, would I include a chapter in this book about cutting away from your church? For millions the church, and the relationships that are nurtured there, have provided invaluable support, assistance, affirmation, etc, during the good times as well as the bad times of life.
However, this is not true all the time.
I doubt there is anyone reading this that could not cite, from their own experience or someone close to them, an example of a destructive and hurtful experience with a religious organization.
Unhealthy congregations are very common, and exist along a continuum that ranges from cultic, identity-robbing spiritual abuse to just pathetically dysfunctional….
But, there are many congregations which have slipped from their original effectiveness into dysfunction. They are not abusive or excessively controlling or cultic. But they may just be going through the motions as a shadow of their original effectiveness, feigning the enthusiasm or purposefulness of past days. Or, they may be mimicking the forms and practices of other, functioning congregations, but have failed to capture its spirit. In any case, it’s dysfunctional….
Dysfunctional church bodies are characterized by one or more of the following markers:
- An emphasis on the congregation’s image
- Denial
- A disconnect between proclamation and practice
(Institutional Hypocrisy) - Critical thinking is discouraged as unbelief
- Substitution of emotion for substance
- Closed social sub-structures
- Domination by an individual or family
- Institutionalism has reversed means and ends